Some commonsense tips for improving those intimate moments between the sheets.
The burden of expectation
Planning intimacy after a big dinner and a few glasses (or bottles) of wine might leave you more gooey-eyed for your pillow than your partner, so look for opportunities to be intimate on regular nights instead — cooking dinner together and cuddling on the couch will set the mood just as nicely as a $200 outing. Sure, date nights are important but no one ever complained about a stress-relieving quickie on a Tuesday night — if you keep waiting for perfect planned moments to get busy, you’re in for a barren spell indeed.
Getting stuck in a rut
Failing to mix it up is a trap many long term couples fall into, once the flirty texts have dried up and been replaced by banal conversations about what time the plumber is coming to fix the toilet or when you’re having dinner with your parents next week. After the initial honeymoon phase, never miss a chance to throw in some kink or a change of scenery — the kitchen, the shower, the back seat of your car . . . basically anything that’s not plain old missionary in the bedroom.
Not making eye contact
Staring at each other is the most intimate thing you can do during sex — not so much that your eyes start bulging like Steve Buscemi’s, but enough that she doesn’t question why you’re avoiding her gaze or wonder what you’re thinking about. Speaking of intimacy, make sure you generously reciprocate everything she does — if she’s going down on you, not returning the favour is just plain bad manners.
Comparing yourself to porn
Stop judging yourself so harshly, because real sex doesn’t look like the stuff you see on RedTube — it takes more patience, humour, and communication, so be confident talking your partner about something deeper than what’s for dinner tomorrow or what your weekend plans are and open up about your desires between the sheets. Oh, and leave the jack-hammering and extravagant moaning to the professionals.
Loosen up with lube
Her natural wetness depends on plenty of factors, particularly if she’s stressed or on the pill or just taking a little while to warm up, and a squirt of KY can ease any discomfort and guarantee longer, smoother sex for both you and her — lube heightens everyone’s sensation below the belt. Don’t lay it on too thick, though — you still need a little friction when you’re getting frisky.