The Wisdom – Chris Isaak

Categories Lifestyle


The Californian crooner on porno dreams, sobriety and Chopin.

A wise man knows… if you pick it, it will never heal.

But a foolish man thinks… I’ll pick it anyway.

What makes me laugh is… the Marx brothers. Also, my dog snoring. He’s little but he snores like a big dog.

But the unfunniest thing is… comics who act like they’re going to go way out on a limb and then say only what’s politically safe. I’d rather hear someone risk being offensive or say something unique.

When I was a kid I thought… I would be a comic or a fisherman.

A tweet to my teen self would read: “Marry her”. It was a girl that I knew as a teenager. She’s gone now, she passed away. But looking back, if I had that shot again, I would’ve married her.

My heroes have always been… the guys that nobody noticed. When people talk about movies, they always go for the big heroes. But mine are people like Jack Carson or John Garfield. People look at me and say, “I don’t know that guy”. I’m like, “Nobody does”. I identify with the guys who never quite made it.

The last dream I remember… was actually a two-part dream. First there was the raccoon fighting a giant sea creature, then there was a group sex kinda porno. I wish that second part was exciting but it was really boring. I don’t know what it means. I just report the facts, sir.

Success is… friends and a job.

Failure can… ruin your weekend.

When in doubt I… agree with whoever is wearing a nice snit.

At the end of a hard day… I play my guitar. Even though that’s the day job, it’s different when I play it for myself.

At parties I’m… sober. It’s handy because I can help my buddies out of bad situations. I’m the one who can drive—and think.

Music is… all your emotions, for all the world to see.


The sweetest sound is… Chopin. There are a lot of rock stars and people that I love. But I put on Chopin and I always bow my head and say, “Okay, there’s genius.”

If a song played whenever I arrived somewhere, I’d want It to be… short because people would get doomed annoyed if it was long and playing wherever I went.

When I see myself on screen I… fall asleep. That’s no joke. Anyone who doesn’t like me, I agree because I find myself amazingly boring.

You’d never catch me wearing… open-toed wedgies and a backless gown. I didn’t say I wouldn’t wear them, just that yon wouldn’t catch me.

Love is… all around. You just have to give some and take some.

Looking at the stars… I start thinking about my dad. I think, ‘What’s next?’ He died four years ago, the first of our little family unit, and hopefully we’ll get to meet up again.

Top of my bucket list is… to fix the toilet. So I don’t have to use the bucket.

My epitaph will read… I actually know what’s gonna be on my gravestone because I bought it already. It’s in an Italian cemetery in my hometown next to my dad and you can only have your name. It’s funny — I like to make jokes, I’m a creative guy, and I can think of lots of funny things to write, but in the end it’ll just say “Christopher J. Isaak” carved in marble up on that wall. And that’ll be okay.