The Australian music legend on success, caftans and his one item of active wear.
A wise man knows… when to shut the fuck up.
A foolish man… thinks he is wise.
And a really stupid dude believes… his opinion matters and that everyone will want
to hear and read about it. On Facebook.
What makes me laugh is… great jokes, well told.
The unfunniest thing… What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married? Feyonce!
When I was a boy I thought… I’d better cultivate some vices so that when I got older they wouldn’t forsake me.
If I could tweet my teen self… I’d tweet that in the future there will be this thing called “tweet” for which I will have no interest, use or understanding.
My heroes were always… flawed. And often drunk.
The last time I cried was… probably at some movie. It doesn’t take much. One lovely moment and I’m wailing like a stuck pig.
I really hate… nothing, really. “Hate” is a pretty strong term. There’s a lot of stuff that’s annoying, but I don’t think it annoys me more than anyone else. When I was a kid I thought I hated some things, but as I got older I forgot to hate them, and now I can’t even remember what they were! Ignorant, self-important arseholes? Obscene amounts of money continually flowing to capricious, feckless, unaccountable, self-aggrandising, empty-hearted people? The unbelievable inflammatory irresponsibility of the media? Unfounded, unsolicited, witless opinions? But they’re just irritating and we’ve all got ’em.
What I was surprised to find out recently was… that the higher the monkey climbs the tree, the more of his fat arse you’ll see.
My best quality has to be… that I’ve never drunk maple water, coconut water, vitamin water, asparagus water, cactus water, caffeine water or alkaline water. And that I only have one item of active wear.
If I could quit one thing it’d be… whisky stones.
Success is… luck. Hanging in there. Getting up in the morning. Not drinking too much too often. Getting a tan. Getting by. A talent, a craft, that’s likely to piss off your “peers”. Striking huge resources of oil, fiddling the books and commonplace, creepy and creeping.
Failure is… pushing a falling fence.
When I doubt I… worry.
At the end of a hard day I… have a beer.
At a party I’ll be… probably talking too much.
The morning after you’ll find me… going for a run and worrying that I talked too much the night before.
The guests I’d have at my ultimate dinner party would be… Mr. Natural, Holden Caulfield, Zhang Daoling, Sly Stone, Lowell George, Fritz the Cat, Eve of St. Martin in Liege. Oh, and my girlfriend.
Singing is… strictly for the birds.
Music makes… brandy for the damned.
The sweetest sound has to be… silence. (I know, I know!)
If a song could play whenever I arrived somewhere it would be… “Ride Of The Valkyries”.
Real style means… carrying off wearing a caftan. And clogs.
But you’d never catch me wearing… open-toed anything.
Love is… having to say you’re sorry.
Looking at the stars I… always lie in the gutter.
Top of my bucket list is… to stamp out the expression, idea and pursuit of a “bucket list”.
My epitaph will read… “Here scattered is the oldest person who ever lived”.