Thou Shalt do these things for a successful experience on one for the world’s foremost dating apps.
Thou shalt have a laugh
Don’t download the app expecting to find your soulmate in the digital meat market. Your profile’s not a resume and your messages aren’t marriage proposals, so go in with the right attitude and keep things light.
Thou shalt post decent photos
In your suit, looking smart? Check. A full body shot, so she knows what she’s getting? Check. With your mates, ideally a little shorter and a tad less handsome? Check.
Thou shalt not use cheesy pick-up lines
Her inbox is being hammered by thousands of greetings, so it’s going to take something better than ‘If I could re-arrange the alphabet . . .’ or ‘You remind me of my pinkie toe . . .’ to stand out.
Thou shalt not be creepy
If you’re talking, you both swiped right — so cut out the sugary sweet physical compliments, which can come across overly sexual and desperate.
Thou shalt get to the point
Don’t let the trail go cold with a string of inane questions. If the banter’s flying around and your gut feeling’s good, ask for her number and make specific plans — less ‘We should meet up sometime’, more ‘Free on Friday?’
Thou shalt keep your cool
You matched but she never messaged back? Ghosted you after a couple of messages? Everything was flying until you asked for her number? Get over it. There’s nothing worse than the needy ‘??’ or ‘I’m not good enough, huh?’ messages.
Thou shalt keep dates simple
You can’t go past a drink in a nice bar — informal, friendly, relaxed, and easy to get out of if the date peters out . . . or goes particularly well.
Thou shalt be vigilant
That Victoria’s Secret Angel lookalike who dives straight into the dirty talk? That’s a 60-year-old sitting around in his undies. Some things are too good to be true — don’t get catfished.
Thou shalt not drink and swipe
Tipsy Tindering is a recipe for breaking the eight prior commandments . . . and certainly the 10th. If you’re having a sip, then head to a bar and Tinder the old fashioned way: speak to women face-to-face.
Thou shalt not send dick pics
Does the tenth commandment even need an explanation?