Get rid of the milk crates, pizza boxes and salvaged lounge, son, it’s time to give this place a makeover!
Find the right colour palette
You don’t need to be a stylist to understand that red and black looks like a vampire’s lair — just stick to neutrals, avoid overly bright primary colours, and stick to safe hues like deep shades of blue, especially in the bedroom, which should be a quiet, calming space. Also furnish your flat with a well placed lamp and some pillows and blankets on the couch. Your furniture doesn’t have to be expensive, just co-ordinated and a little nicer than something that looks like it was pilfered from a junkyard.
Invest in a clothes hamper
That plastic bin buried in dirty clothes in the corner of your bedroom doesn’t cut it once you’ve moved out of mum’s place — a neat lidded hamper in the bathroom is a must. So is changing your sheets, and actually investing in quality ones, too, with a thread count of at least 300 made of natural materials like cotton and linen. And there’s no point in everything looking tidy if your place smells like old socks so open some windows, take it easy on the cheap deodorant, and pick up a couple of candles and scent diffusers to keep everything whiffing fresh.
Glass is class
The modern man needs a solid set of water glasses, coffee cups, wine glasses . . . just a collection better than a few paper cups and an old mug you stole from work that makes it look like you’re just squatting in this apartment. Throw in plenty of plates and cutlery that actually match, too — you don’t want to host a gathering and force your guests to eat their spaghetti bolognese with spoons out of soup mugs.
Frame some art
Nothing tells visitors you’ve got your shit together like artwork hanging on the walls (and no, sorry, old beer posters blue-tacked to the wall don’t count), plus a few framed photos of family and friends to show off your soft and fuzzy side as well as your attention to detail. Same deal with books on the shelf — and sorry dude, a couple of airport novels and a few old skin mags don’t cut it.
Set up a home bar
You can spot immaturity a mile off when the only alcohol kicking around someone’s place is a case of domestic beer and a half-finished bottle of cheap vodka. A more sophisticated gent boasts a properly populated liquor cabinet that at least contains gin, white rum, scotch, bourbon, and a quality vodka — the staples of nearly every cocktail you can dream up.
Keep some plants alive
Hey, not only are you capable of keeping yourself alive — you’re responsible for the life of a plant, too! Plants not only improve the aesthetic of the home, but they also make you look sensible and reliable — blokes with succulents in their living room aren’t about to quit their job to join a bikie gang or go on a drug-fuelled romp through Central America.