Some helpful advice to get her in the mood the right way.
Going too quick
It takes women longer to get their motor running than men — in other breaking news, the sky is blue and grass is green — but don’t get bored of foreplay too quickly. Thirty seconds of fumbling around the clitoris doesn’t turn her on like a light switch, and foreplay doesn’t just start in the bedroom, either — a gentle kiss on the neck after dinner or a gentle massage on the couch can start the build up nice and early. Also, what’s the rush? The anticipation is just as good as the main course.
Going through the motions
Fans of — or blokes who have been forced to sit through — the TV show Friends will remember the scene when Monica labels the erogenous zones one to seven — “There are seven?!” Chandler exclaims — and explains the process of orgasm by numbers: “Okay, you start with a little one, a two, a one-two-three . . . a two, a two-four-six . . . seven, seven, SEVEN, SEVEN”. Foreplay isn’t just ticking boxes on a to-do list until she’s ready for penetration, it’s mixing it up between one and seven — yes, Chandler, all seven.
She might hate a two, love a six, be indifferent towards a three, and although you think a seven drives her up the wall, you could do it for hours and she’d hardly feel anything. Every woman is different, so take the hint and respond to her verbal and non-verbal cues. The most important communication comes before you dive in, ahem, head first — she’s not always ready as soon as she’s wet, so ask.
Being too aggressive
Poking, prodding, jamming, shoving, ramming, digging . . . if any of those words come close to describing your idea of foreplay, you’re doing it wrong. The clitoris is often too sensitive to touch directly so don’t treat it like the joystick on your old Nintendo controller — think about how you’d like her to touch you below the belt; we bet it doesn’t involved white-knuckle clumsiness of a 16-year-old racing to get rid of their virginity.
Not being enthusiastic
If foreplay’s all about desire and making her feel wanted, express that with your body language. Don’t treat going down on her like sexual currency that earns blowjob brownie points — the pleasure goes both ways, making the recipient relaxed and in turn more aroused. Imagine the best oral sex you’ve ever received — she certainly wasn’t just watching the clock until it was her turn to be on the receiving end.