Don’t be ‘that guy’ at work who drives everyone up the wall with these social sins.
Kissing the boss’ arse
We all work with one grovelling lap dog who blows so much wind up the manager’s backside that you’re surprised they haven’t turned into a hot-air balloon. Are you a fan of his? Didn’t think so.
Talking too loud
“Can you hear me?” he bellows into the speaker phone. “How about now . . . can you hear me?” Yes. And so can the rest of the office. Use your indoor voice like a big boy.
Listening to music
Nothing wrong with cranking up Spotify when you’re in the zone and churning through task after task, but if your tunes are blaring so loudly that the rest of the office can hear the drums rattling like one of those cymbal-banging monkey toys, time to pull it back a touch.
Divulging too much information
Put a plug in the Tinder chat, Kevin. TMI on the irritable bowel syndrome, Sandra. The whole office doesn’t need to hear about your run in with Roxy and Sapphire at the gentleman’s club, Barry.
It’s called a tissue, champion. Use it. See also: pen-clicking, desk-drumming, chewing with your mouth open, or spending the day gnawing at a piece of chewing gum like a cow grazing in a paddock.
Forgetting your left-over tuna bake in the communal fridge for two months. Chucking your leftover dishes in the sink for someone else to take care of. Transforming the toilet into something resembling a Jackson Pollock painting. None of these things will win you any friends.
Leaving passive aggressive notes or emails
And nor will being the nag who fires off an, ‘FYI, please load your dishes into the DISH WASHER. Thank you kindly in advance, concerned co-worker’.
You might be happy to steal a pirated episode of Game of Thrones or a couple of cheeky items at the self-serve supermarket check-out, but draw the line at swiping one of your co-worker’s lunch.
Bad email etiquette
Everyone’s inbox is already hammered with more emails than a nursing home on the end of a Nigerian scam so don’t add to the traffic with a message that could be communicated in person, saved for the meeting, or better yet, not said at all.
Eating stinky food
You could have the world’s most delicious fish pie or gorgonzola gnocchi but if your lunch leaves the microwave so dank the next person needs a hazmat suit to approach it, it’s not office appropriate.
Smelling bad yourself
And if you pong worse than that blue cheese pasta, it’s time to pop into the supermarket for a can of Rexona.