Razor blades and your most delicate area . . . it’s not hard to see how manscaping can go horribly, horribly wrong.
And now men are revealing just how bad things can go on the Reddit page r/TIFU — short for short for ‘Today I F***ed Up’, and a goldmine if you get a kick out of other people’s misfortune.
So cross your legs and make sure your razors are secured safely in your bathroom cabinet — here are five manscaping horror stories that are guaranteed to make your eyes water.
Blinded by pubes
“I came to the brilliant conclusion that the best way to dislodge some stragglers ensnarled within the blades of my trimmer is to blow on it. A logical thought, no? No. I release a gale from between my lips which are directed at the blades of my trimmer. Rather than flowing away and onward into the tub, my illustrious fibres are sent into an eddy, and travel thusly into my eyes. Now you may say to yourself ‘Oh, no big deal! It’s just a little hair in the eyes’. Unfortunately, my flowing locks were transformed into tiny quills of despair as the trimming occurred. My eyes were filled with dozens, nay, hundreds of man-thistles which were slowly penetrating into my soul. I wept. I ran the tap. I flushed my eyes. Repeat above steps.” — Blinded-by-pubes
The cheese grater treatment
“I have the bright idea that my trimmer would work great for my balls, gooch and ass. WRONG. So wrong. This trimmer is just not cut out for the savage environment that awaited down there. Hairs get caught, I get cut. Relentlessly. That ruthless little swine of a trimmer has shredded my nether regions like a bird trapped in the engine of an airplane. It feels as if I have just tea-bagged a great white then sat on a cheese grater. As if this weren’t enough evil, I hadn’t paused to consider just how damn short that electronic bundle of malice would cut the hair, and now I am simultaneously itching, bleeding and hurting from this sickening ordeal.” — KapeRaudSquillas
“I was the last one to leave the house this morning so I figured I’d take a little extra time and trim my bush. Well I’m carrying a bit of extra weight so its kinda hard to see every part of the undercarriage, so when I started snipping around I nipped my sack with the scissors. I was surprised by how much blood is hanging around there. I used a styptic pencil to try to stop the bleeding but with little success. Anyway, by the time I got to work, my boxers look like I’ve been menstruating. My wife’s gonna get a good laugh on laundry day.” — Dr_Frank-N-Furter
The nipple executioner
“So, after mowing my lawn and doing some chores around my house, I decide to do some manscaping after a shower. I’m so damn hairy, even having nipple hair, so I do my best to carefully shave my nipples with the precision of a surgeon. Almost done, just one more to go and . . . ‘Bro! Hurry up! I’m gonna piss myself!’ My sister bangs the door suddenly and yells, scaring the ever-living shit out of me. This makes me jerk my hand and shave my nipple off. So, what do I do? Do I act like a man with balls and suck up the pain? No, I prance around the shower screaming like a girl, crying. I run out the shower looking for band-aids to stop the bleeding. Lesson learned: do not manscape without any guarantee that you won’t be disturbed.” — Nipple_executioner
Hair removal cream of the crop
“I decided anything that wasn’t my forearms, my head, and my eyebrows was getting Naired and grabbed the very un-intimidating bottle and decided to go to work. Seemed easy enough. So I apply to everywhere as quick as possible . . . but after 10 minutes much of the hair was still there, so I rationalise that I need another dose. This repeats three more times of 30 minutes at least. I ended up basically feeling like I was on fire . . . My body was hairless but also irritated and red and the opposite of smooth and also after it really started to burn I decided to take a bath and wash-cloth it off. But the water ended up burning me bad and it was sort of like eating a hot pepper and drinking water in the sense that it didn’t help one damn bit.” — Ktnmrrll