Four haircuts you should never get

Categories Grooming

These ‘dos go into the hall of shame when it comes to how to wear your hair.

Rat’s tail

Popular in the 1980s but today limited to children whose parents don’t care enough about their personal appearance to give them a haircut that wasn’t inspired by vermin. Also big in the Stars Wars universe as the ‘Padawan braid’ — both Obi-Wan Kenobi (Episode 1) and Anakin Skywalker (Episode 2) gave it a run — and the rat’s tail should be confined to a galaxy far, far away.

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Instead . . .

Begin by grabbing the scissors and snipping off the abomination. Rat’s tails normally accompany a short style anyway, so a no-fuss buzz cut is a safe option.

Mullet

“Business at the front, party at the back,” says proud mullet-wearer Ken, an overweight 58-year-old truckie wearing his Atlanta 1996 polo shirt with cargo shorts who holds Billy Ray Cyrus and Dermott Brereton among his top style icons. Don’t be like Ken.

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Instead . . .

Get literally any other haircut.

Top knot

Brock O’Hurn (www.instagram.com/brockohurn/) was dubbed the “king of man buns” after accumulating 2.6 million Instagram followers fawning over his luscious locks. But unless you share O’Hurn’s six-foot-seven physique that looks like it’s been carved out of granite, don’t tip into a top knot.

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Instead . . .

Follow Brock’s lead and let your hair roam free. His magnificent mane is no longer tamed by a hair tie and this is the trend for 2017 — rugged shoulder length hair, especially paired with facial hair, is a more contemporary look than a traditional top knot.

Curtains

There’s a reason David Beckham parked this haircut in 1998, and why Brendan Fraser no longer appears in movies. It’s very risky to revive this ‘90s “classic” — if you can call it that — two decades later.

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Instead . . .

Messy, 1970s-style mid-length hair is making a comeback, sitting over the ears but above the shoulders, styled with a grooming cream (for medium hold and plenty of shine) or paste (for medium hold and a more matte finish).