Modern Dressing: 10 Style Sins

Categories Fashion

Don’t ever wear these things this way if you want to be taken seriously…

1.Tucking Crazy

Wearing a collared shirt to a formal occasion with a suit? Or a business shirt to a meeting? Tuck that sucker in unless you want to look slovenly. And, no, you won’t look like a “renegade” if you don’t, just like a slob who doesn’t know any better. But wearing a T-shirt anywhere? Don’t under any circumstances tuck it in. Same goes when wearing a collared shirt with jeans.


2. Don’t Take It Crease-y

We know ironing isn’t anyone’s favourite activity. But that’s no excuse to wear crumpled and creased shirts that look like they’ve been plucked from beneath the couch cushions. You can buy shirts that don’t require ironing. You can have your shirts ironed for a few bucks a pop at the local Laundromat. You can just set aside half an hour a week and iron your shirts while you watch lawn bowls on TV on a Sunday afternoon. Do these things, man!

3. Double Denim

Better known as the “Canadian Tuxedo”, double denim is a risky move. You can get away with it if you’re a member of The Strokes and/or you don’t do these things: pair matchy-matchy denim, in terms of style, wear of material and colour; pair it with a chambray shirt or any sort of denim accessory for the dreaded… triple denim.


4. Socks-cess

White socks belong in one place – worn with running shoes or trainers when you’re exercising. Don’t wear them with anything else, not even jeans. Black socks have one place they don’t belong – yep, you guessed it, with running shoes or trainers when you’re exercising.

5. Suspenders And Belt

Just how afraid are you of your pants falling down? Is it a recurring dream that you fear will come true at the very same moment you run into your old school principal and/or priest? If this doesn’t apply to you then there’s no need to implement double-safety by wearing suspenders and a belt. If your pants have belt loops, wear a belt. If your pants have suspender tabs, well, you know what to do. Don’t do both!

6. Stripes

Horizontal stripes don’t actually make you look fat. Science has said so. But science has also said they make you look like Freddy Krueger and/or that people will come up to you and proclaim loudly: “Here! Here’s Wally!” So, go for vertical stripes. To avoid unflattering optical illusions, opt for thinner stripes because fatter stripes just look weird. Also: don’t match stripes, unless you want to risk sending people into epileptic fits and/or have them reach for your picture control button.


7. Deep V

It doesn’t matter what you bench, bro, or how much time you’ve spent shaving/waxing/plucking that chest. We don’t want to see your pectoral dude cleavage exposed by the plunging V of a deep V-necked T-shirt. Go the classic or raglan neck.


8. Square-Toed Shoes

We recently ran a guide on the types of dress shoes.

Know what wasn’t on it? Square-toed shoes. That’s because they’re designed only for two types of folk: 17th century minstrels and elderly hobbits. If you’re neither, then don’t wear them.


9. Overstuffed Wallet

Do you need to carry the receipts from every big shop you’ve done at Coles in the past decade? Every business card you’ve ever been handed? Ten condoms? And your old Medicare card, driver’s license and the “Breast Inspector” joke permit you got for 15th birthday? Of course not, but some men’s wallets bulge like bricks, ruining any clean line they might’ve accomplished with their clothing. Thin your wallet out. If you can’t let go of all that crap, just stick it in a drawer somewhere.


10. Cargo Pants

Are you on a mission with Arnie to kill a Predator in the South American jungle? Good, well, put on those cargo pants, because you’ll need all those pockets to hold your ammo clips. Otherwise, give cargo pants – and their slow-witted little bro: the cargo shorts – a big fat miss. That’s because they’re misbegotten pieces of menswear crafted by Satan’s slaves in the fieriest pits of Hades. Okay, that’s not true, they’re likely made by very nice middle-class Chinese people like just about everything else, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re ugly, ill-fitting and ruin the silhouette of anything with which they’re worn!